I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
