Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
