Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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