I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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