I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
