Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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