After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
