Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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