she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
