you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
