Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
