the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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