I think my vagina is haunted
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
