I CAN MOONWALK!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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