drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
