She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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