Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
