UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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