Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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