2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
