So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
