I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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