I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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