Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think im going to throw up on grandma
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
