she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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