Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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