Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
