OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
