You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
True but thats because hes a fetus.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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