No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
