I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
