I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
