We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
