You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
