Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's the barista slut.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
