Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
