I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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