Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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