I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
