Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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