alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
