Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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