$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
