I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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