I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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