he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
