First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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