I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize