there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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