absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
