oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
