Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
