If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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