Your dad touched me again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
