What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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