worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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