i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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