just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
