Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
