just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
