White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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