what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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