Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
