I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
