I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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