At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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