Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
