you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
