dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
