I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
