we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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