she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
