i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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