He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize