he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
