put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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