I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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