pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
