I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
